Monday, December 29, 2008
This seems like a pretty straight up term, but my experience indicates otherwise.
To some, Felasco prep is taken on with purpose. Juancho, for example, has been logging hour after hour on his bike. I'm not sure how many miles he's doing in those hours, but his taint should be properly seasoned by now.
Micro, however, has taken a completely different approach. His prep so far has consisted mostly of looking for his bike. If you've seen it, drop a line here, to Bigworm's lost and found. Unless he's developed some new hobbies I'm unaware of, Micro's taint is in for a rude awakening.
Micro's brother, Beefcake, is always a mystery. He was a long time mountain bike legend. Well at least his grouchiness was legendary, but he has really has always been strong on the bike. Last year he rode in the caboose with the Spanish Mackerel, coining humorous phrases regarding blows from the feet to one's genitalia. Oh well, if his legs give out, I'm sure his Arnold-like pythons will welcome the chance to tear the pedals from the cranks.
There are also those who don't need preparation. Marcus, aka Bikediet, will not ride at all, yet somehow be able to go as fast as anybody on the whole damned trail. No really, I'm not bitter about that fact. (Well, actually, I'm quite bitter about that fact.)
Spanish Mackerel is the anomaly of the "no prep needed" crew. He claims to be getting ready, yet always misses the rides. He swears he'll be there, but instead is spotted at some sporting goods store, with the tell tale pillow wrinkles still on his face. Somehow it doesn't matter for him. Apparently just thinking about training, gives him the mental toughness to finish, year after year. By all rights he should be shriveled up beside the trail with Sasquatch kicking sand in his face. But it won't happen. He may not be the first to finish, but he'll come out of the woods again, with that goofy look on his face, like a puppy who's been lost for hours, and just found his way home.
Red Dragon has been training his lungs with a vengeance. If you don't believe me, just ask him. I'm sure you'll get some kind of long winded story, excuse, or anecdote, that will more than prove my point. He'll bluster and blow. He'll wail and howl, and all that hot air will send him sailing to the finish.
Lil' Ronnie, the Angry Haitian, pretty much runs on pure hate. I figure he'll ride his bike until his legs fall off, just so he can look down at them and tell them he hates them. Then he'll slither off his bike, and tell it he hates it, too. Next he'll call me to tell me he hates me for making him do this damned ride. Somewhere in there, he'll tell me I'm hard to be friends with, and that he hates me for that. You want to see something funny? Be there when we pull up to the parking lot Friday night. Lil' Ronnie will be so stoked to see us, he'll cry like a little girl, and then he'll hate us for that. And with that, his preparation will be complete.
Wrecking Ball will ride like there is no tomorrow, in fear that Red Dragon may blow by. The only problem is, he'll ride his bike into oblivion, and all of its parts will fall off the week before Felasco. At which point, he'll go into manic breakdown and I'll have to nurse him back to health. He's not called the Wrecking Ball for nothing.
Bab McCarty's prep will be highly specialized. Actually, F#*k Bab! Who cares what that prodigy assed rock star does?!! I'll tell you what he doesn't do! He doesn't ever update that lame ass blog of his. His last post was due to my heckling. Check it out. What the hell are you waiting for Santana??
Alright, this may be getting out of hand, so let me wrap this up. For me the prep just isn't going to matter. No matter how much I stress about it, no matter how much I ride, it just doesn't matter. After all the trash I just talked, I just sealed my fate. Hopefully I can just keep up with the caboose. Through all of the cramp induced pain, and vision blurring bonk, that Fate is sure to dish out, I just want to have enough left in the tank to remember the stories.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
That was a quote I took from Gnome's write up over at Drunkcyclist, about this year's Flight of the Pigs ride. It was my favorite paragraph in the whole ride report.
While I'm not one of the activist types that thinks bikes will solve the petroleum challenges of America, solve world hunger, or end global warming, I do think they can change an individual's outlook. Bikes bring many things to many people. They bring freedom to a 7 year old kid, who can now easily explore the whole neighborhood. They bring transportation to those who have no other way. They bring stress relief to those of us who can let our blood pressure alarms ring too easily and too often. To some, they bring something as simple as a new fashion accessory.
The big thing is, they bring a commonality. They bring one more facet that can bind vastly different people. I've said it a thousand times, my friends walk the gamut of life. Age, gender, economic and social status, religious background; cycling has bridged a lot of barriers to tie crews together all over the world.
Again, I don't believe that cycling alone will bring to bear a bright shining light of perfection on the world. She's more like a well cut diamond, when the light hits her just right, she sure does sparkle.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
All wise ass shenanigans aside, what are you doing this weekend? Sitting around, watching the boob tube, eatin' cheetos, wondering why your nether regions are turning orange? Get up off the couch, and head over to Rickards high school on Saturday afternoon, or Sunday morning, or both! Folks will be in town to rail their skinny tire bikes at the speed of light. And when they can't rail any faster, they'll jump off and run! How can this not be entertaining. Skin tight clothed, body shaved, skinny people, doing their damnedest to purge their last meal, with the help of two wheeled machines. You know the rule. We like two wheeled machines. Lots of them. So hopefully I'll see you out there. I'll be on top of my hill, making as few trips to the bottom as possible, except maybe to heckle those who falter.
Here's the link.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Yellow is the color he's most often associated with.
One is the number of testicles he has, with which to chase Olsen twins.
2nd is where he finished behind hairy legged Wiensy at Leadville.
Seven is the number of times he won the Tour.
1.9 million is the number times he has been cussed by the French.
Five is the number of road races he is rumored to do next year.
I may not be his biggest fan, but if it makes the French cry, so be it.
Here we go again.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
If you could have any one — and only one — bike in the world, what would it be? Hmm, do you know?
That's tough for me. Having been a long time shop guy, I've amassed quite the quiver of rides. My desire for bikes changes like the seasons. I have several amazing bikes, but given the tide of my mood, each one takes a turn at being the most amazing. I suppose if I could have only one, it would be some sort of off road Dually, but there are too many good bikes out there to name one in particular.
Do you already have that coveted dream bike? If so, is it everything you hoped it would be? If not, are you working toward getting it? If you’re not working toward getting it, why not?
I suppose I do, but if you ask my wife, she'll tell you I'm always working towards the next desire.
If you had to choose one — and only one — bike route to do every day for the rest of your life, what would it be, and why?
I'm afraid that may just kill the deal for me. One of the things that set the hook for me and cycling was all the new scenery. I've been to more places and seen more wonderful sites, because of my bikes. One route the rest of my life...that's too much like a rut. As has been said before, the only difference between a rut and a grave, is the depth of the hole.
What kind of sick person would force another person to ride one and only one bike ride for the rest of her / his life?
Do you ride both road and mountain bikes? If both, which do you prefer and why? If only one, why are you so narrow minded?
I'm definitely a BI- cyclist. It usually depends on the weather, but I mostly prefer to ride off road.
Have you ever ridden a recumbent? If so, why? If not, describe the circumstances under which you would ride a recumbent.
I've ridden a few. Working at bikeshops, you get opportunities to try a lot of things you probably shouldn't. Things like Umma Gumma Gray tires, Kooka brake levers, and Paul's derailleurs. 'Bents are strange animals, a weird subspecies of bikes. They tend to attract even stranger followers. I don't think I could hang with that gang. I lack the fervent desire to use a windscreen, and to try to convince every upright cyclist I see that my ride is clearly superior in every aspect. And I don't have a cute orange flag to put on the back.
Have you ever raced a triathlon? If so, have you also ever tried strangling yourself with dental floss?
Nope, I've been entirely to busy ragging those on my crew, who do play at being trigeeks, to ever find the time to train properly. Besides, I'm a Clydesdale. Jesus, what a bow wave I'd create!
Suppose you were forced to either give up ice cream or bicycles for the rest of your life. Which would you give up, and why?
Who came up with these evil ass questions? Giving up either would be quitting, and I'm no quitter. Besides, I just started trying to improve my multitasking by eating ice cream while I ride my bike.
What is a question you think this questionnaire should have asked, but has not? Also, answer it.
Have you ever taken your significant other for a ride on tandem?
Hell no! She could reach me entirely too easily!
Now, tag three biking bloggers. List them below:
Wrecking Ball - I expect your usual eloquence, with appropriate misspellings, of course.
Little Ball - with your usual liberal use of expletives
Juancho - because Fat Lad let you off too easily, and besides, I still outweigh you
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
As soon as we rolled out from the cemetery, Wrecking Ball rounded the corner with his wheel. Well timed! We'd already ridden an hour and a half, so we all ate while W.B. put his bike and gear together.
We decide to take 90 back home. The plan was to find a mom-n-pop style, BBQ joint. No love on the BBQ, but we did find a cool, all you can eat southern food buffet. The place was packed with Madison County residents, fresh from church. I thought we might look a little outlandish, until I saw some of the church outfits. We were good. Once I discovered the homemade chicken and dumplings, I considered moving to Madison. There is just no need for food to be that good!! We ate until we were bloated, and then went for the cobbler desserts! Wash it all down with true Southern sweet tea, and consider yourself truly satiated!
Monday, April 7, 2008
Looking at that pic, does the kid really look all that fast? He'll surprise you, even with that junior restricted gearing.